Internal Conflict

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”
Romans 7:15

This honest confession from the Apostle Paul is a powerful reminder of our humanity. I remember when I was a kid watching a cartoon where the character was in the process of making a decision. Over one shoulder appeared a small being dressed like an angel who offered sound, responsible advise which would encourage the character to do something good. Over the other shoulder appeared another small being dressed like a devil who enticed the character to do something sinister. As these tiny beings were feeding the character with conflicting advice, the character would be distressed and confused. The reality is that the great temptation is to follow the advice of the "little devil" over your shoulder. However, we know that listening to the little devil may give us temporary satisfaction, but will result in guilt, shame and feelings of failure.

Have you ever felt distressed and confused? Have you ever had that mental and emotional conflict of wanting to do something that you shouldn't do that would satisfy you, but you know that you would hate yourself in the "morning"? Well, just know that you are not alone. I personally have fought this fight many times and have lost. Many times, I have allowed my feelings and desires to get the best of me leaving me in a place where I did something that I should not have done.

However I also know the victory of winning the fight. I know the pressure of resisting the temptations, and the feelings that I was going to go crazy if I didn't "scratch" that "itch". I realized that my Spirit is stronger than my flesh if I just hold on. It helps when I realize that I am not alone in this struggle. Even the great Apostle Paul had this struggle and, though he had his faults (by his own admission) he was a great warrior of the Christian faith. It helps me when I allow the Word of God to strengthen and encourage me when I feel pressure. It further helps me when I take my focus off of the thing that I am trying not to do, and focus on the thing that I want to do. For example, if I am trying to lose weight, I am not going to constantly focus on my weight and what foods to stay away from. Doing this will actually increase my desire to do what is contrary to what I want to do. Instead I am going to focus on exercise and healthy habits.

The same is true with life. Don't focus on what you don't want to do. Focus on what you want to do, who you want to be, and ultimately, the God you want to serve.

Much Love,

Pastor D

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